My friend Rachel was married when I first met her – and I thought her marriage was divinely happy. It looked like that from the outside. But it became awfully clear one day that this was not such a happy marriage, when Tom announced to her that he was planning to file for divorce. He did not love her anymore, he said, if he ever really had loved her in the first place.
Rachel was heartbroken for a long time. This was an independent, intelligent, highly capable woman, but now it was like her whole life had fallen apart. Everything that she had believed and valued about her life was now in question. In our conversations during that period, she acknowledged that, yes, the marriage had been troubled but she had not wanted to accept that the troubles were that threatening. She had not wanted to believe it. Now, she had to accept it and believe it and deal with it.
It took some time, but gradually she did heal. There came a time when our conversations weren’t solely focused on the marriage, the divorce, and what Tom was doing. Then one Saturday a couple of years after the divorce I met her for lunch. When she sat down across from me I could see she was in a great deal of distress, and I soon found out why. Tom was getting remarried. This was the day of his wedding. It was like reopening a wound, and starting the bleeding all over again.
Perhaps this is what Jesus was talking about when he said a man who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery against her. No matter the reasons for the divorce, no matter the healing that has taken place after, the bond that was once theirs can still hold the potential for pain.
Perhaps this whole conversation about divorce and marriage is Jesus’ way of saying to us, as he has said so many times, that he wants to show us a new way. It’s as though he is saying to us –
You want to talk about what is lawful; I want to talk about what is good.
You want to dwell on blame and where it should be assigned; I want you to see truth and know that sin permeates every aspect of your lives; in one way not your fault at all, but in another way entirely your responsibility because you’re the only one who can do anything about it.
You want to believe in your own righteousness and you hate to be confronted with the brokenness of your human condition, but I want to show you that you come before God with nothing and any righteousness you have comes from above.
You want to present yourselves as worthy of the kingdom but I want you to know that whoever does not receive the kingdom of God as a little child will never enter it.
As a little child…
A little child who brings no credentials, no accomplishments, nothing to impress. A child brings only herself, asking only for love.
A little child who does not need to be complimented for all his great qualities or validated for his actions. That is only something he learns as he gets older. A child who brings only himself, asking only to be accepted just as he is.
Little children have many endearing qualities, but I think the one quality Jesus may wish for us to see today is the quality of humility – a garment that we find quite fitting for little children but less so for ourselves. Not very comfortable, I know that. Yet I don’t see how we can approach the kingdom of God without humility.
Once again, Jesus pulls us out of our comfort zones. Today he does it by talking about divorce.
We are not comfortable talking about divorce, and some of us are so uncomfortable it becomes hard to even hear what he is saying. He seems to be saying that divorce is sin. But if we are to say that, then let us also say that, sometimes, divorce is the very best we can do in our human condition. If we are to regard divorce as sin, as Jesus seems to be suggesting, then I also want to say it is not necessarily an evil act. Rather, it is a tragic symptom of our brokenness, and every one of us is impacted by this brokenness – divorced or not. Jesus just wants us accept the fact of this brokenness and the consequent suffering that spreads through our lives. But then maybe he would say –
So you’re not all that great. But you’re not that bad, either. You know what you are? You are a little child looking for love along with the rest of us. And you can find that love in the kingdom of God.
If this text tells us one thing it is that there is pain in life. There is pain in both marriage and divorce, especially in divorce. But life goes on. And turning away from bitterness and blame is always an option. Seeking redemption and healing is always possible with God.
And so the story of us – if I were to boil it down to its bare essence: we are created in goodness; broken by sin; redeemed by Christ. This is the Christian story. This is our story, and this is all we have to present at the doors of the kingdom. Here we are, nothing more than little children.
It is enough.
