I took my title today from the classic English novel, Howard’s End. It is a story about two families, the Wilcoxes and the Schegels. Two families who wind up in a great dispute about a house, two families whose characters are so different, whose worldviews and values are so different, they have difficulty even understanding one another, let alone coming to a resolution about the house.
There is one character in the story who, alone, seems able to bridge the gap. She pleads with the others to find a way to connect the head and the heart, the prose and the passion, the yin and the yang. Only connect the different values and viewpoints.
She is a Schegel by birth and a Wilcox by marriage. She stands in the middle of this dispute and pleads, only connect!
It is a phrase I have always loved; it holds so much meaning in it. It is the crux of human relationships.
Today we have two texts that talk about marriage. And divorce. I did not want to talk to you about marriage or divorce today, so I cannot explain why I chose these passages. Nonetheless, here we are.
Because divorce is on the table in this Mark passage, some context will be helpful to our understanding. The Pharisees pose a question to Jesus that is a test – in more ways than one. They know that the law of Israel allows for divorce, and it goes like this: If a man finds himself dissatisfied with his wife, he may write her a certificate of divorce, hand it to her and send her away. Done. There is not, by the way, a provision for a wife to do the same. But, I hope you noticed, Jesus says there ought to be.
Given this, the Pharisees have spent untold energy and time parsing the law. What, they wonder, would be an acceptable degree and kind of dissatisfaction? Could a man divorce his wife because she burned the dinner one night? Or if she burned the dinner every night? What if she refused to make him dinner? Moses wasn’t clear on the details, so it’s up for interpretation. Which is something the Pharisees loved to spend their time doing.
In some ways, working through these problems of interpretation probably felt like a game to the Pharisees, but there is no doubt in my mind that for the people of Israel this was a fraught subject. There were people in their midst who had been impacted by divorce and knew very well the pain that swelled around it. In fact, right in the very context in which Jesus was speaking, there was the relationship of the ruler, Herod Antipas and his wife Herodias. They divorced their respective spouses, so they could marry each other. John the Baptist was beheaded as a result of his criticism of them. It was a touchy subject, and surely it was on people’s minds.
But Jesus doesn’t play the parsing games, nor does he shy away from hot topics. He tries to draw their focus in a slightly different direction. Divorce is legal, for some very good reasons, but that doesn’t mean it is God’s hope and desire for humankind. There is a certain tension between these things: it is legal, and it is painful.
I think everyone who has been affected in some way by divorce knows these things to be true. People enter into marriage with joy and hope for a beautiful life together. If these hopes are shattered, there will be pain. There will be sorrow. It is true that these individuals may be better off divorced, but it is also true that they may feel like something wonderful has been lost.
Jesus goes back to the book of Genesis, Chapter 2, where God created a companion for the first human, because humans were not meant to be alone. God made us for relationship, and so there is marriage.
And, I would add, there is friendship. And there is siblingship and parenthood – all of these are powerful, meaningful kinds of human relationships. And the severing of any of these ties is painful. There is suffering when the bonds of relationship break.
The problem is, that is what humans do, again and again. We hurt one another, we fail to understand one another or help one another in important ways. We are unable to reach across a gap and really communicate – only connect – with one another.
Mother Teresa once said, “If we have no peace it is because we have forgotten that we belong to each other.” Notice her words. We belong to each other – this suggests that there is an equality, a mutuality which is the ideal for all relationship. Each one of us is made in God’s image.
At last, Adam said. Bone of my bone, flesh of my flesh; here is someone like me. Each one of us is a beloved child of God. Each one of us is deserving of love, honor, and dignity.
In all kinds of human relationship, there is the need for mutual care, compassion, curiosity. And when any of these things are lacking there is the potential for a severing of the relationship. Divorce.
I think it is clear in the Genesis story, as it is clear in the words of Jesus, that God’s hope, God’s intention, is for humans to live in harmony. With mutual appreciation. With care for the needs of others. All the others – even the children, as Jesus makes so clear in this passage.
Many times, we fall short, as we do in all things. Sometimes, a relationship needs to end. Sometimes, divorce brings healing, even though it is not the way anyone hoped it would turn out.
In the beginning, God made us for partnership, for unity, for love.
Today is World Communion Sunday, which is something that began out of recognition that the world is failing in these ways. Failing to connect, failing to care for and appreciate one another. On this one day out of the year we are meant to remember that God created all of humankind in God’s image, that God made us to be partners for one another, creating a great web of connection. God desires unity for all the diverse and beautiful kinds of people in the world.
And let us also remember that we who are the church, the body of Christ, have a special calling to lead the way.
Let us remember that we belong to each other. Not just one Sunday a year, but every day.
