When our kids were little, Kim used to say to them, “Oh, you’re my favorite 8-year-old boy!” or “You’re my favorite 13-year-old daughter.” It would always surprise them, but then they would laugh. He wanted each one to know that they were his favorites. Each one of them.
Kids spend a fair amount of time thinking about favorites. It’s a big word in a child’s vocabulary: favorite ice cream, favorite color, favorite animal, and so on. And they think, too, about whether their parents have a favorite child. In fact, even when we grow up, we still might think about who was our parents’ favorite child.
Whether or not parents have a favorite among their children, or grandchildren, almost all parents do favor their own children over others. To us that seems not only normal but quite appropriate. We might judge harshly any parent who does not seem to favor their own children. Every child needs to know they have their parents in their corner.
We look at it like this: we are first and foremost responsible for taking care of our own. And then, with whatever is left over, we should look after the needs of others outside the family. It is right and good to give to others in need, but we don’t take food out of our children’s mouths and give it to others.
Or, in Jesus’ words, it’s not fair to take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.
It has taken me a lot of time, but I have finally come to terms with the fact that he said that. He actually called this woman, and her child, dogs. This woman in need, who probably had to muster up every bit of nerve she had? He called her a dog.
I went through a process of trying to interpret it away. Like, he didn’t actually mean that; he was testing her faith. Or, this was a teaching moment for his disciples; he was playing “Devil’s Advocate.” I have also tried out the notion that he was speaking theoretically; it was nothing personal, it was just theological. Kind of like the mobsters in the movies who say, “It’s not personal. It’s just business.”
But, actually, it just makes more sense to say that he just said something that was not only hurtful, but wrong. And, like so many mistakes, this is a great moment for illuminating truth.
This woman of Tyre – not a Jew, obviously – shows boldness in approaching him. First, because she is a woman, and women did not approach strange men in public. Second, she was a gentile, and Jews did not like to interact with gentiles, male or female. This was a matter of purity, something that was important in the law of Israel. According to the law, any interaction with a person who is “unclean” would have to be followed by a ritual of purification, and that was a hassle, frankly. For practical reasons, Jews avoided having contact with persons they would call “unclean.” There would be nothing unusual about Jesus wanting to avoid this woman.
She approaches him anyway. After all, her child’s life is at risk. She knew Jesus by reputation to be a man of power and compassion, so it was sure worth a try.
But she evidently caught him on a bad day.
We read in verse 24 that he was looking for solitude. He needed some downtime. “He did not want anyone to know he was there,” but Jesus could not escape notice and there were so many who needed so much.
Every once in a great while in the gospel, we hear that Jesus sighed. We know what it means when someone sighs, don’t we? They are exhausted, they are drained, they are on their last nerve. So what do you think it means when Jesus sighs?
We tend to forget the tenet of our faith that says he was fully human, but he was. And being human he most certainly had his limits. He was tired, he was drained, and he snapped at this woman. “I won’t take the children’s food and throw it to the dogs.” And at this, she should have lowered her head and scurried away. But she doesn’t. She surprises us with her courage and wit just as much as Jesus surprised us with his callous words. She says, “Yet, even the dogs get to eat the crumbs that fall to the floor.”
She is not a Jew, but she knows there is more than enough of God’s healing mercy to go around. She knows what Jesus, himself, has been teaching: that God’s love and mercy extend to all who are in need, both within and beyond the bounds of Israel. Clean and unclean.
And, yes, Jesus knows this too. Once again, he surprises us by turning around. “You know, you’re right,” he says to her, “In fact, that demon has already left your daughter because of your faith.” The woman went home and saw that what he said was true. End of story.
Jesus moves on to another place – the region of the Decapolis. Here he encounters more gentiles, who bring a deaf man to him imploring Jesus to heal him. This time he does so, without question or prevarication, using a mysterious concoction of spit and strange words. The man’s hearing and speech are restored and everyone is astounded.
So, what do you think? Does God have favorites?
We might assume that God favors those of us who “live right.” You might say it is the modern, western equivalent of purity vs impurity. If we go to church, if we bring our children up in the church, if we pray, if we tithe, then we are ritually pure. Therefore, we are God’s favored ones.
And we might then assume that there are perks to being among God’s favored: such as having our prayers heard, and of course answered, first. It might seem to make sense, but does it really?
What we know from the scriptures is a bit more complex than that. We read there that God favors God’s chosen people. But also that God clearly favors anyone who stands in need. Therefore, God expects God’s chosen people to favor the ones in need.
We hear it in the words from Proverbs: A good name is to be chosen rather than riches, and a good name is established by practicing generosity, loving mercy, and seeking after justice. The Lord favors those in need, and God’s chosen ones will follow after God’s heart.
God favors the ones who are in need – those who sit at the table and those who are under the table waiting for crumbs to fall, and there are always crumbs that fall. In fact, if we are doing it well, there will be more crumbs than are needed.
As we turn our hearts to the sacrament at the table of Christ this morning, we might remember that this is something he shared with us when we were the outcasts, the ones who stood in need, the ones who were waiting for the crumbs to fall. This is the feast he set for the needy ones.
As we go into our week – our work, our school, our recreation – let us consider the ways we have been favored, and consider the ways God is asking us to share the favor with others: the favor of our attention, our time, our love, as well as our goods.
You know, Jesus was full of surprises. Let us follow his lead and surprise the world. Let us practice generosity with someone who really needs it.
Photo Credit: Pixabay
